Pittsburgh's Finest

The Detroit post yesterday got me geared up for a larger spread on the best movie for each major US city.  I cheated a bit and allowed three spots each for LA and NYC, since they are so prolific.  Of the towns, I found Boston the hardest.  There are basically two kinds of Boston movies: the new gangster movies (Departed, The Town) which are good and probably the best Boston movies, but too fresh for this kind of list; and then the college movies (Love Story, Soul Man, Legally Blond, With Honors).  I ended up with Good Will Hunting because it bridges that gap, focusing both on the Boston’s elite school scene and its gritty underbelly.  Likewise, Rocky fans and Gone with the Wind weirdos will not like the Philly and Atlanta choices.

I look forward to your feedback.

Posted on October 14th, 2011 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: Sparks=Wrong, we like to watch

...But all they had were doughnuts

Protests can be powerful tools for rallying public support around a cause.  But this Occupy Wall Street thing is a failure and a wasted opportunity for its organizers.

Why?  Because they aren’t asking anything specific.  I don’t know if it is because the organizers just don’t have any specific ideas (the issues they are grappling with are very complex), or if they don’t want to reduce their crowd by specifying an agenda.  Either way, it’s silly.

Look at all the great protests; they always have a specific message.  You can usually sum it up in 10 seconds.  Civil rights: “we want the same rights and opportunities as white people.”  Arab Spring: “depose the dictator, establish a constitutional democracy with broad-based individual rights.”  Troy Davis protestors: “Stay the execution.”   Even those nutty tea partiers with their half-wit signs are calling for specific action: “Defeat Obama, eliminate Obamacare, reduce spending.”  By contrast, here’s the pitch for Occupy Wall Street:

“We will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%.”

Hmmm…Okay.

C’mon, guys.  You have thousands of people hanging around.  Every media outlet is covering you.  Heck, even I checked out your website.  And this is all you got?  Not a single tangible proposal for us to consider supporting?  Who exactly do you think is corrupt?  How can we expel the corrupt people from positions of power, or change the system so that it is less susceptible to corruption?  Is this about term limits?  Campaign finance?  Public-to-private-sector job hoppers?  And how do you propose we go about moderating greed?  Is this a call to increase the marginal tax? Move to a VAT or property tax?  Abolish capitalism and put all enterprise in the hands of the state?  All of the above?

Once the Brooklyn hipsters (which, judging by the pictures, are a sizable component of this crowd) and blue collar union guys use up their roll-over vacation days and drift back to work, this whole thing will fizzle and the organizers will have wasted an enormous opportunity to make their case for policy positions that we all could be debating right now.

Posted on October 5th, 2011 Filed in: Politics/Economics Tags: Sparks=Wrong

Bulgogi Sliders with grilled onion, picked ginger, jalepenos, and spicy cilantro mayo. Ramen dip with Fritos

Oh man, isn’t football season GREAT?  Of course it is.  There’s the sport itself, of course, and that’s wonderful.  And then there is the whole ritual of watching the games: getting the kids in their jerseys, tracking down your Jets underwear, sucking down a few beers, and preparing that perfect football-watching meal.  This year we are putting some additional thought into that last part.  For the full 17-week season, we plan to make meals that pay homage to the hometown of the Jets’ opponent.  Here’s how the menu is shaping up.  The first three weeks are done, but we value your input on future meals.

MORE after the jump…

Posted on September 29th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Jets, Sparks=Wrong, unhealthy relationship with food

The man above is “famous” guitarist Joe Santriani.  Somebody mentioned him to me yesterday so I went to look him up.  He is one handsome MF, don’t you think?

Posted on September 22nd, 2011 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: Looky-likeys, Sparks=Wrong

On June 30 somebody took a phony credit card with a magnetic strip identical to the one on my credit card and used it to make ten different purchases at three different Wal-Marts 2,000 miles away.  Each charge was between $95 and $100, though each was a little bit different (meaning, interestingly, they were not just buying the same $97 item ten times, though they could have been buying the same $94 item and a different pack of gum each time).

I caught the problem in mid-July and my credit card company cancelled the charges and sent me a new card.  Catjjy and I went through the laborious process of updating our dozen or so auto-bill relationships with the new credit card information.

Over the course of the last 24 hours, someone using a phony credit card with a magnetic strip matching the one on my new replacement card has been making dozens of purchases at many different stores.  And so the process will repeat itself.  Cut up old cards; FedEx new cards; update all vendors; rinse; repeat.

I know there are bigger problems in the world (like obstinate delivery men), but it’s a real drag to get targeted for credit card fraud twice in as many months. Now I’m starting to question all of my spending habits.  Is there a rigged gas station pump at the place I usually use?  Is there a crooked waiter at one of the restaurants I frequent?  Bah.

This is exactly why smart guys like Glen Beck and KB1 stick with gold coins for all of their transactions.

Posted on September 2nd, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong

NPR ran a piece on the #1 Hit Jam of the Summer this morning.  The country’s finest news source named “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO the hands-down winner, with a charitable nod to “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People for capturing the uneasy, disjointed mood of the Summer of 2011.  They also gave a shout-out to urban contender “Sure Thing” by Miguel, which I had never even heard.  I think the inclusion of that last one was really just so the reporters could goof on the line “I’m a reporter, you be the news.”

So it’s official now, but don’t forget that you heard it here first.  Long Live The Hose!

Posted on August 30th, 2011 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: npr, song of the summer, Sparks=Wrong

We are having a hurricane. So over the course of the day, this is how the KBs rolled.

Things we bought

• Ham
• Cheese
• Bread
• Onion
• Full Bars
• Frozen pizza
• Toothpaste
• Cheerios
• Puffins
• Avocado
• Soy Milk
• Jewelry
• Water
• Neosporin
• Roasted Seaweed (Savory With Sesame Oil)
• Chocolate
• Kyocera ceramic knife (gift)
• Pita bread
• Peanut Butter
• Raspberry Jam

Things we did in preparation:

• Cleaned the bathroom (might have to sleep in it!)
• Brought the plants inside
• Emptied the basement into our living room
• Charged the batteries
• Laundry
• Filled Nalgene bottles with water
• Duct taped a couple of windows (got lazy)
• Watched National Treasure (it’s a GREAT movie)
• Found a flashlight and a bag of matches

Did we miss anything? NO. We are ready to roll. Suck it Irene.

Posted on August 27th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong

Last week on NPR I heard a story about the state of Utah bringing “polygamy” charges against some Mormon reality show people.  “Aha!  Wrong again, Michele Norris,” I thought to myself “polygamy is not a crime.  These Mormon freaks are being charged with something else.”

Of course, polygamy is not recognized – a state will only recognize one valid marriage license per person – but the mere act of being in a polyamorous  relationship is not a legal issue.  If Catjjy and I and the KillerBs want to move in together and form a hippy love commune, more power to us.  But we would still need to file at least two tax returns.  Where you do see law enforcement get involved to break up polygamists sects, it is almost always because they are marrying off very young girls to older men or sanctioning first-cousin relationships or compelling women into unwanted relationships, all of which are in violation of other state laws.

Turns out, I was wrong.  Polygamy and bigamy are actually illegal in almost every state.  I have no idea how the authorities could possibly prosecute such an arrangement.  Apparently, if the police bust down the door and find you and two women watching 30 Rock together, you could say “these are my two girlfriends” and you would be okay.  If you say “these are my two roommates,” or “we like to get freaky with a three-way” or even “this is my wife and this is my mistress,” you are also okay.  But if you say “these are my two wives” you are breaking the law and all three of you can be sent to jail.  Seems like a total arbitrary distinction between exactly identical behaviors.  No wonder prosecutors usually try to get these people for other charges.

Posted on July 21st, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong

People gave Wendi Deng a hard time at the beginning of her May-December relationship with billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch.  They wrote her off as some scheming immigrant gold digging home wrecker, mostly because she was a pretty 30 year old and he was a hideous 68 year old, and because she married him 17 days after he divorced his previous wife.

But the years have been kind to her.  She has settled into her role as Mrs. Murdoch.  The happy couple has two little girls and go everywhere together.  Yesterday she delivered an absolutely top-notch wife performance.  She was seated behind Rupert as he was being grilled by the British Parliament for some scandal or another.  That’s devotion enough.  But then when some dipshit tried to throw a pie in her husband’s face, she sprang to action.  She bitch-slapped the punk so hard he fell over, then tried to beat him with his own pie pan before he was restrained by the mostly gawking group of security personnel standing around.  She then returned to her man, wiped pie from his face and cuddled his grizzled 80-year-old head in her arms.  If she’s a gold digger, she’s digging deep!

Here’s a short list of reasons we crush on Wendi Deng:

• Though she herself is outwardly pretty, she sees the inner beauty in others (at least in Rupert).
• She’s six feet tall (holla, xTian!).
• She went to perhaps the finest business school on the planet (holla, KBs!), and now sits on its board of trustees.
• She’s Chinese (holla, Catjjy!).
• She’s really not THAT much of a gold digger.  While Rupert is indeed a multi-billionaire, the trust in which he holds his NewsCorp interests is willed to the children of his previous marriage, under the terms of his second divorce.  Wendi has a claim to whatever Rupert earns as CEO during their marriage, which will be tens of millions of dollars, but neither she nor her children will have access to the vast majority of the multi-billion dollar estate he will leave behind when he passes.  As gold diggers go, that’s not over the top.
• She takes good care of her man.

Posted on July 20th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: crush of the week, Sparks=Wrong

This woman is a total badass.  She rose to national attention last weekend with her last minute header against Brazil, saving the US team from certain defeat (awesome photos here and here).  She followed that with the go-ahead header goal near the end of Wednesday’s semi-final game against France (another great photo).  This is the first most of us (including me) have ever heard of her, but she’s been an ass-kicker her entire playing life.  This is her third World Cup appearance, and she now stands in a first place tie for the most World Cup goals ever scored by an American, at 12.  I’m rooting for her to knock in a few more on Sunday.

Badass

Pitty poor Aya Sameshima, the 5’4” Japanese defender who will be marking Abby for Sunday’s World Cup Final.  During Japan’s semi-final game against Sweden, the announcers felt the need to point out that Sameshima was the worst player on the Japanese team several times.  Now she has to give up seven inches to the best header-scorer in the women’s game…poor girl.

Sameshida "guarding" Wambach at a friendly match earlier this year

Note: The “Butch” reference above is not to imply that Abby Wambach herself is a lesbian.  I have no idea.  Her butchy build is genetic, and her butchy haircut is frankly very practical for her line of work.  I just mean that she is a nice bit of eye candy for that community.  Just like how all the Chelsea boys love Cristiano Ronaldo, even though he is straight.

Posted on July 15th, 2011 Filed in: Life, Sports Tags: crush of the week, Sparks=Wrong, Sports, world cup

What, no time to cuddle?

Last weekend I spent 36 hours back in the land from whose quivering haunches I emerged: the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas.  My parents moved away from there when I left for college, so I hardly ever go back.  It is a place of exceptional natural beauty, squalid rural poverty, crushing racism, and chickens.  Lots of chickens.  It has more recently also become an area of obscene wealth accumulation.  Four enormous companies were founded within a few miles of each other – Tyson Foods, Hudson Foods, JB Hunt Trucking, and Wal-Mart.  The families that control these firms have produced multiple generations of billionaires and the armies of employees, vendors, etc. include hundreds of multi-millionaires.  All of this in a metroplex area less populous than New Haven, CT.

When I lived there the place was entirely white.  My high school was one of the largest in the state, and we did not have a single black student.  We had three Vietnamese families in town, all of whose children lived essentially white social lives (they all ended up marrying white people), and a handful of Mexican families who kept to themselves.

The biggest demographic change since I left has been an enormous influx of Mexican immigrants.  Wikipedia puts the Hispanic/Latino population at 20%, up from <1% when I left 17 years ago.  Pretty startling.  There still aren’t many black people around – just 1% of the population.  I think it must be hard for the big companies headquartered around there to attract top black executives.  Lord knows I wouldn’t move my black family there if I had other options.  I’d just go work for Target in Minneapolis instead.

All around a strange place.  Any of you ever been there?

Posted on July 14th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Outdated City Review, Sparks=Wrong

Can’t say I’ve watched much women’s soccer before the USA v. Brazil WC quaterfinal three days ago, but I’ve become a big fan since then.  I’ve found the games quite enjoyable to watch.  This surprised me, because I find women’s basketball and hockey painfully unenjoyable, and I had always assumed those to be the closest analogs to women’s soccer.  But maybe the best analogy is women’s tennis, which, of course, is perfectly enjoyable and very popular.  That’s because women’s tennis is not just a less-athletic version of men’s tennis, but rather a slightly different game with certain advantages over the men’s game.  Below are three reasons why women’s soccer is better than men’s soccer.

1.  Better ball control.  FIFA publishes possession statistics for men’s games.  In the recent Barcelona v. ManU Champions’ League final, ball possession was like 70% Barcelona v. 30% ManU.  But in reality, most of the time in men’s games the ball is in open space with neither team really having control.  Not so in the women’s game.  Passes are crisper, dribbling is sharper, and it’s just generally easier to see plays develop.  That’s an important improvement.

2. Better sportsmanship.   The most frustrating things about the men’s game is FAKE injuries.  Despite the cynical display by Brazil in Sunday’s game against the USWNT, the women’s game is relatively free of this shameful behavior.  There are fewer penalties, fewer injuries, and importantly, fewer fake injuries.  Women just play a cleaner game.

3. USA! The US is to women’s soccer what Brazil is to men’s.  The US has been to six World Cup semifinals, more than any other country and more than this year’s three other semifinalists combined.  Every time the US takes the pitch, they have a good shot at winning.  It’s a lot easier to get into a sport that your team is good at.

Posted on July 13th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Soccer, Sparks=Wrong, world cup

Please be advised that The Hose has officially jumped onto the Women’s World Cup US Women’s National Team bandwagon.  Between today and Sunday’s final, look out for multiple USWNT posts.  GO USA!!!  WOOOOO!!!

Posted on July 13th, 2011 Filed in: Sports Tags: Soccer, Sparks=Wrong, Sports, world cup

I have great sympathy for people who work for tips, and I always try to treat them well.  A waiter or bell hop may only make a few dollars per hour in base pay from the restaurant.  A striper may not be paid at all, and instead may be required to pay the club for the privilege of working there.  Tips are a structural part of their pay, and it is incumbent upon all of us to play along in all but the most inhospitable of circumstances.

But over the past few years, I’ve noticed a creeping escalation in the tips that are requested of me.  I think it started with Starbucks, who stuck a tip box out in front of the barista.  People will dump their coins in there, or sometimes toss in a buck.  Free money = nice gig.  Others noticed.  Soon these tip boxes began appearing in sandwich shops and take-out places.  It seems there is hardly a cash register out there today without a tip box in front of it.  Today I noticed one in the crappy little donut store I go to.  A tip for yanking a donut out of the case and putting it in a bag for me?  C’mon…

The trend extends to take-out orders.  It certainly used to be that you were not expected or even requested to tip for a take-out order (delivery is a different story, of course).  Now I don’t know.  I feel like I am being judged very harshly for putting a $0.00 on the tip line of the credit card slip when I pick up to-go orders at my local Indian place.  Am I really expected to tip a take-out order now?  Who, exactly, am I tipping if not the waiter or delivery guy?  And am I supposed to give this mystery person 20% like a waiter who serves me for an hour, or can I give him or her much less than that?

I can see the rationale for these extra tips.  I mean, a barista is basically doing the same thing as a bartender, right?  And you toss a buck to the guy who pours you a beer, so why not toss a buck to the girl who foams up your cappuccino?  The answer is that bartenders make $2.50/hr plus tips, while a barista makes $10/hr.  At Starbucks, you pay the full freight of employment in the price of your drink, which is not true at a bar.  That’s why I’m all for tipping some people, for whom the tip is a structural part of the transaction, and not others, for whom the posted price of the good or service is meant to cover all costs.

But now what?  We all got a good laugh out of this trend when it started, but now I feel like I am being judged for not playing along.  What’s a self conscience guy to do?  Does anyone else tip for take-out?

Posted on July 6th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong

It’s FINALLY getting hot around here.  Steamy summer days always take me back to that magical summer of 2000.  Remember it?  The world was so optimistic back then.  Bill Clinton was ogling his last batch of White House interns.  The internet was a huge ATM machine just spitting out money and jobs.  I had just met a girl named Catjjy and was spending every minute with her.  We had a standing drink order on hot days back then: Mandarin & soda.  Eleven years later, that is still the drink of summer at our house.  So without further adieu, I present to you the simplest recipe I will ever post.

Mandarin & soda

• Stick a few ice cubes in a rocks glass
• Fill about halfway with Absolut Mandarin vodka
• Fill the other half with club soda
• Garnish with whatever part of an orange you have hanging around

Cheers!

Posted on June 20th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Cocktail Hour, Sparks=Wrong