What a night, Idol fans!  I think I can say without hyperbole that the second hour of last night’s show was perhaps the best hour the show has ever assembled.  Three of the remaining four contestants were absolutely peaking.  The theme of the hour was “songs you wish you had written,” or as further explained because that makes no sense, songs that inspire the contestants.  For the record, I’m skipping the first hour, with the theme “song by bands from California, or about California,” which was fine but lackluster.  On to that second hour:

Phillip Phillips got us started with a cover of “Volcano” by Damien Rice, a song and artist I didn’t know before last night, but who probably had the most profitable day of his life on iTunes today.  It was sexy, bluesy, and understated.  It fit him like a glove, and was by far his best performance of the season.   Until this performance, I had written Phillip off.  The other three remaining contestants can sing circles around him.  His song choices were weak, his stage presence is static, and he really just seemed to stick around because he is the resident heartthrob this season.  After “Volcano,” I’m back in his camp.  If he can keep connecting with songs like he did last night, he could win an honest victory over the better singers.

Hollie Cavanagh was next up.  She chose to sing a gut-wrenching song about a middle age woman coming to terms with the dissolution of her marriage (Bonnie Rait’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me”).  Bonnie sells it; Hollie doesn’t.  It was just a strange song choice for a 16 year old and it ended up being the the weakest performance of an exceptional hour, but I’d still give it maybe an 8 out of 10.  Sadly for her, even that perfectly competent performance should be enough to seal her doom tonight.

Joshua Ledet then took the judges out of their seats with a loud, passionate rendition of James Brown’s “A Man’s World.”    Joshua is always very good, even if his song choices are suspect.  Still, I feel comfortable calling this his best performance of the season also.  That’s two for three.

Jessica Sanchez capped off the night performing the song “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” by Jennifer Holiday from Dreamgirls.  Holy crap.  If you want to see a musical prodigy in total control of her instrument, do yourself a favor and watch the video.  The first 1:20 may come off as typical R&B ballad, but starting there and for the rest of the song, she goes toe-to-toe with the biggest voices in the business.  It was a startling performance.  The contrast between Hollie stumbling through a chorus of “I can’t make you love me,” and Jessica tearing the roof off with the chorus “you will love me,” provided a perfect summation of the two girls’ relative performances.  Her best performance of the season – three for four!

Hollie should be packing her bags, but this is a voting show, so we can’t ignore crowd appeal.  Philip has the power-texting teenage girl block locked, so I can’t imagine him going anywhere.    Unfortunately for Joshua and Jessica, Hollie does have a better built-in fan base.  It’s not that people are racist, but many people do identify with people who look and sound more like them.  Jessica and Joshua both sing pretty black, and that is a small minority of AI’s viewership.  Who knows.  One of them may go home tonight for failing to connect to AI’s audience, but it would be a head-held-high dismissal, with a record contract waiting for them in the dressing room.

Posted on May 10th, 2012 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: American Idol Rewind, Sparks=Wrong

We can discuss whether or not she is attractive in 2016

We’ve been slow in picking up coverage of 2012 American Idol.  There are now just seven Idols left, and the judges have already used their save.  From a technical perspective, this is probably the best group of seven the show has ever produced.  Three of them – Jessica, Joshua and Holly – are legitimately excellent technical singers, and the other four pull off their on-stage schtick with aplomb.  Now that we’ve cut some of the obvious non-competitors (ahn yong he ca say oh, Heejun), it’s gotten very difficult to handicap a favorite.  The Official Hose Contestant Profiles are below the fold.

MORE after the jump…

Posted on April 19th, 2012 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: American Idol Rewind, Sparks=Wrong

This will hopefully be my last Tebow post until he becomes the Jets’ starting QB in week 2, but this was too crazy to pass up.  Apparently, the Jets brought Tebow out to NJ yesterday.  I’m sure it’s a bit unusual for back-up QBs to get picked up in a private jet (have to check with Drew Stanton to confirm), but then, this whole situation is odd.  ESPN is reporting that he arrived in the jet pictured above, a Hawker 900XP with the prominent tail number N15QB, as in “Number 15 Quarter Back,” Tebow’s number and position.  That is either a pretty crazy coincidence, or a really, really insanely well orchestrated travel detail.  I hope the Jets put this much thought into their offensive play calling.

Posted on March 23rd, 2012 Filed in: Sports Tags: Jets, Sparks=Wrong

Vince Wilfork is looking forward to this play

What sort of 2 point conversion (“2PC”) success rate will Tim Tebow need to hit in order for the Jets to make that the default post-TD call?  Boring math after the jump.

MORE after the jump…

Posted on March 22nd, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: Ask Sparks, football, Jets, Sparks=Wrong

I can count the time I’ve been on Twitter on one hand and still have enough fingers left over for a shocker.   Mentions of Twitter are soooo prolific that I sometimes I worry that I’m slowly becoming the kind of weirdo who refused to get a cell phone a decade ago.  Yet I still can’t muster any enthusiasm for Twitter.  That’s why I need your help.  Please tell me why I should be tweeting (or at least reading the tweets of others).   How do you use it?  How does it make your interwebbing experience richer?  Here is some relevant information about me:

• I don’t read celebrity gossip.  There is no way I would follow the tweets of Kanye or Lady Gaga or even my BFF Mark Sanchez.
• I consume a good deal of news from normal news outlets, and don’t feel the slightest bit underserved in that respect.
• I think those stupid hash-tag things #lookfuckingridiculous.
• I am already aware of very many “Lin” puns.
• I only need one social network for keeping up with acquaintances, and am already pretty heavily invested in Facebook.  I don’t need to follow xTian in yet another online forum.
• I hardly ever plan demonstrations against Arab dictators.

Thanks, Hosers!

Posted on March 1st, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: Ask the Hose, Internet Memes, Sparks=Wrong

ge

Winner!

• I only cared about one award: Best Song.  And I was thrilled to see Bret McKenzie land his first Oscar.  But I was very disappointed that, in a break from years past, they did not actually perform the nominated songs as part of the telecast.  When did they stop doing that?
• While some foppish Frenchman walked out of the theater last night with George Clooney’s Oscar, I think we can all agree that George walking in with a six-foot tall gold-clad statuesque beauty of a girlfriend reminded everyone that he is, in fact, the real winner.
• I haven’t seen A Separation or Undefeated, but I’m happy both won.
• I have even less desire to see The Artist now than I did this time yesterday.
• The Oscars have had mixed success going with younger hosts, and after last year’s disastrous bit with a fully-baked James Franco, no one can fault them with going for the tried-and-true.  But Billy Crystal was a snooze.  Let’s retire him and let Hugh Jackman at it again.
• Marketing people chime in: that Cirque du Soleil performance was an in-show advertisement paid for by the Las Vegas Visitors’ Bureau, right?  It was awesome and all, but what on earth did it have to do with anything?
• I don’t want to get into the fashion stuff, but if someone made me an awesome cape like the one Gwyneth Paltrow wore last night, I’d wear the hell out of it.

Posted on February 27th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: oscars, Sparks=Wrong

Catjjy and I were cruising through our favorite local art gallery this weekend (i.e., the home decor aisle at Costco) and stumbled upon one of the most beautiful and thought-provoking artistic endeavors since Monet started painting haystacks.  We couldn’t believe our luck that such a piece was available for direct retail purchase without having to go through the auction process.  Of course, we bought it on the spot.  It is currently with the curator of SF-MoMA, who is appraising it for insurance purposes.  I can’t wait to hang this up over our bed!

Turns out, this artist, Andy Thomas, holds something of a racket in niche market of inter-generational political recreational re-creationist paintings.  Ever had a hankering to see your favorite Democrat presidents, from Andrew Jackson to Bill Clinton, gather ’round the table for a poker game?  Feast your eyes on this!

I’m waiting for the GOP Swim Meet painting.  Go Taft!

Posted on February 21st, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong, wall hangings

You will never go broke appealing to people's vanity and insecurity

On January 6, And posted this request:

“I want an investigative report on GNC- there are two good sized stores costing I’m guessing a lot of money in at least 2 square miles of Back Bay, Boston. I never see anyone in those stores. I want to know what they are, really.”

Great question, and one that crosses the minds of millions of Americans every time we walk past one of those horrible stores. The answer is below the jump.

MORE after the jump…

Posted on January 26th, 2012 Filed in: Politics/Economics Tags: Ask Sparks, Sparks=Wrong

The Oscar nominations came out today.  I don’t know much about any of the nominated movies, but there is one category I know very well indeed: Music (Original Song).  Back in November, Catjjy and I took the Cha to see The Muppets.  He loved the music and got us to buy the soundtrack.  Since then, we’ve heard it roughly every day.  Thankfully, there are a number of terrific songs on the album, all written by Bret McKenzie, whom you will remember as half of the New Zealand musicomedy duo Flight of the Conchords.

Today Bret was nominated for an Oscar for his song “Man or Muppet.”  It’s a terrific song and definitely deserves the nomination.  My only complaint is that there are 1-2 more original songs from the same movie that are even better but did not get nominations.  “Life’s a Happy Song” is, I think , unquestionably better. “Me Party” is also pretty fun, depending on your tolerance for disco (mine is quite high).

In a strange move meant to speed up the awards show, The Academy only nominated two songs for the category this year.  The other contender is some fake-Basso Nova Will.I.Am abomination from the already-forgotten animated movie Rio.  Should be a slam-dunk Oscar for our favorite Kiwi Hipster.  Wooo!

Posted on January 24th, 2012 Filed in: Entertainment Tags: oscars, Sparks=Wrong

SCIENCE!

What do you do when your four year old is begging to do a science experiment, your wife is in desperate need of a cocktail, and you are in charge of both duties? Answer: Cocktail Science Experiment! Above are Cha’s findings on the rate of cooling observed when ice was added to a cocktail pitcher of Manhattans. I was a bit surprised by how cold it got, and how quickly it did so. Hat’s off to science!

Posted on January 18th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: Cocktail Hour, Sparks=Wrong, The Cha

You all know that I am a huge Everton fan (go Toffees!) and have been for nearly 18 years months.  So nothing delighted me more this week than watching US Men’s National Team and Everton F.C . goal keeper Tim Howard bend in a one-hopper from 100 yards out.

Apparently, this is only the fourth time in English Premiere League history that a goalie has scored a goal (which seems hard to believe, but maybe they mean from his own box?).   High-five, Timmy!

Posted on January 4th, 2012 Filed in: Sports Tags: Soccer, Sparks=Wrong, usmnt

Pandog

Ever since that shower-scene fiasco hit the airwaves last week, Rocky has been in a heap of trouble.  Every bookie within a 500 mile radius now knows his new look and is in hot pursuit.  He needs help, stat.  Here, as in so many other facets of life, the Chinese are providing an ingenious solution.  Apparently, dyeing dogs to resemble entirely different species is a real and growing trend over there.  Rocky has asked for enough money to dye him into a deer, with enough left over for a respectable pair of antlers.  He’ll then melt into the dozens of other filthy deer littering the hill around our estate.  Seems like a good plan.  I’m going to go with him to get it done, because you simply can’t give that guy cash and expect it to go towards its stated purpose.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

They'rrrrrrrre Grrrrrreat!

Posted on December 19th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: rocky, Sparks=Wrong

Christopher Hitchens passed away yesterday at the age of 62.  As you may remember, he topped my list of most compelling people a year ago.

Hitchens was a devout atheist, if such a thing is possible.  Since the announcement of his terminal illness last year, there has been some chatter about a possible deathbed acceptance of god coming from the religious types he so often antagonized.  As far as  know, no such admission was made.  The NYTimes obituary has a great quote from him on the possibility:

Mr. Hitchens discussed the possibility of a deathbed conversion, insisting that the odds were slim that he would admit the existence of God.

“The entity making such a remark might be a raving, terrified person whose cancer has spread to the brain,” he told The Atlantic in August 2010. “I can’t guarantee that such an entity wouldn’t make such a ridiculous remark, but no one recognizable as myself would ever make such a remark.”

Awesome.  I would say “rest in peace,” but I’m pretty sure any such allusion to his afterlife would have been met with an eye roll from him.  So instead I will just say, to no one in particular, that I really enjoy his work, and I’m disappointed that there won’t be more of it.

Posted on December 16th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong

Very Dangerish

The Cha (4 years old) sometimes confuses the suffixes “ous” with “ish.”  This has led me to two different (though very similar) million-dollar yuppie lifestyle blog ideas.

• Do you like to vacation at five-star hotels in semi-exotic destinations?
• Do your favorite restaurants serve almost-trendy ethnic food in safe, rapidly gentrifying neighborhoods?
• Do you like glamping?

Then join us at www.ADVENTURISH.com!

• Do you like to go on forest zip lines, but only in countries with strong consumer liability protections?
• Do you wear a helmet when you ski?

Then join us at www.DANGERISH.com!

I’m this close to quitting my job to run with this.  I’m just not adventurish enough to follow through with it.

Posted on December 1st, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Sparks=Wrong, The Cha

Lobstah Roll + Lobster slider

My Hose corporate email account has been getting inundated with inquires about the status of our Jets Opponent Theme Meals, detailed in this previous post.  You will all be delighted to know that the plan is going GREAT.  It gives Catjjy and me a reason to look forward to Jets games (which we sometimes dread), and a way to remember games past.  It also pushes me outside my culinary standards and provides a fun distraction to watching TV on Sunday.  We have made a few adjustments as the season progressed:

• For the first Miami game, we went with Cubano sandwiches instead of ropa vieja.  It was a Monday night game, and I didn’t have time to do an all-day stewed meat thing.
• The lobstah rolls during the first New England game were so good we decided to do it again for the second New England game.  Neither seemed to help the Jets.
• We switched the two Buffalo game meals.  Catjjy left me alone with both boys for the first Buffalo game, and I didn’t feel comfortable learning how to deep fry wings with little ones afoot.
• I was on a business trip during the Denver game (on a Thursday night), so we had to skip that one altogether.

I’ll publish some thoughts and rankings at the end of the season.  We will definitely be doing this again next year.

Homemade Buffalo wings, 4 ways + homemade blue cheese dippin' sauce

Posted on November 30th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Food Fight, Jets, Sparks=Wrong