This weekend is Carnival on the Mile, a 3 day street fair that happens once a year. Anyway, after the festivities for tonight ended, I stopped at the local bar for one last drink.

I sat at the bar and not soon thereafter, 4 young buxomly ladies from the new Hooters restaurant sat next to me in an otherwise empty bar. I consider myself one of those “the sun is always shining on me” people but I was surprised as the next guy.

Don’t know if it was my new geeky watch (which is a total chick magnet) or the fact that they overheard me telling a friend the brother getting engaged story but soon the ice was broken and I was doing tequila shots with one of the girls.

To make a long story short, I ended up having sex with her in an alleyway as I walked her to the car no more than 30 minutes after our first exchange of words. At no point did we exchange names, phone numbers, Twitter handle or anything of that nature…

Why am I telling you this?

1) I  am telling everybody…I am sure it is more sex than what xTian or Evil have been getting…

2) Wasn’t Tiger Woods banging Hooters waitresses? I am only missing a couple of adult film stars and I am in same league as Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen give or take a couple of million dollars…

3) Not counting the incident at the Minneapolis airport in 2007, I haven’t had anonymous sex since 2005…

and the main reason I am telling you this is to seek your advice…

4) Should I be like Charlie Sheen and chalk this up as a win and leave it as is or should I be going to the local hooters and try to track her down even if all I have to go by is her tramp stamp???

Posted on March 6th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Douche, feeling like a champ, girls, Manolo

Posted on April 10th, 2008 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ, killer B, Manolo, that's so wrong

Evil

Need to be friends with more famous and influential people. So I can hang with Julia Allison and other beautiful people. Will be great times. And the second that happens, I am ditching the likes of Xtian and KenTak3 as friends. Who needs them? But I’ll most likely keep Mr. Shoulders. By comparison, he makes me look good. I still need that.

Posted on August 1st, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil
Check out The Hose’s traffic for the last 13 months. We’re getting big time! (Although I wish we could get Page Rank 4, like here.to.here. They must be really big time.)

Posted on July 25th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil
(In response to “Stale Crackers“)

if i were the typical immature, insensitive male friend, i would response to xtian’s post with something along the lines of: “whoa, what’s up with that post, xtian? is it that time of the month? are you depressed because you feel like your fallopian tubes are shriveling up?”

but i am indeed not that type of person, so here’s what i really have to say in response to xtian’s “stale crackers” post…

dude, it was only two years ago that you almost witnessed orgy’s death by weed. that means two short years from now, your life might be totally different. you know… marry a white girl (because you are self-hating), making major bank even though you dont need to because your new wife will have a crapload of family money. and who knows, you might even have a “little big head” in the oven. as in a bun in the oven, not that you would put a kid in a real oven.

put yourself together, xtian. at least you’re not mister shoulders!

btw- anyone who’s interested, meet xtian and me at this rooftop happy hour on july 17th. watch me demonstrate my techniques in being a horrible wing man.

Posted on July 7th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

I’m at an internet cafe in Cambodia right now. I just set the default homepage on this computer to be The Hose!!! Will we have a huge international fan following in the near future??!!

Posted on March 6th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Even though my family is crazy and super stressful to be around sometimes, at least one good thing came out of Chinese New Year: As part of going back to Queens to see them, I also got to drop into a Best Buy in Queens. And guess what?! They had Wii controllers in stock! Woo! It’s been impossible to find any supply in any of the Manhanttan stores or even online (except on Ebay where they rape you in exchange for the controllers). Now I have 4 full sets of controllers. Now all I need is 3 friends. That’ll be the toughest find.

Posted on February 18th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Hey, happy lunar new year, y’all. Also, happy valentine’s day. I haven’t heard much from KenTak3. I wonder if he did anything special for Mamacita and/or Bruno. Or if his emotion chip is still on backorder. If you think getting hold of a Nintendo Wii is hard… Anyway. Mr. Shoulders has been quiet lately. I haven’t ridden in this Porsche yet! Although at this point, there’s probably already too much DNA all over the seats for me to go in there without a hazmat suit. Evil Twin #2 said she was coming over next week to check out my apartment (at the recommendation of KenTak3, who was apparently giving my bathroom fixtures a really hard look). I doubt Evil Twin #2 will actually come though. What I think she’ll actually do is call me from someone else’s apartment and tell me how nice that other apartment is. Lastly, Mr. and Mrs. Balls is in town this weekend! Try to catch them if you can. (Or, if you’re like me, you’ll just say, “Meet you at 11pm? Hah!”)

Posted on February 17th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Way, way back in the day, I was a fledgling student of journalism. I don’t remember much from those days (or for that matter, last week), but I do still appreciate a well-written article.

I just read this feature article, which has a killer lead.

Posted on January 9th, 2007 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Check out these screenshots from the Firefox site. Recognize one of those email addresses? Am I famous?

Posted on November 21st, 2006 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Inspired by Evil Twin #2’s recent ass kicking of the Boston Marathon (“Oh, we’ve passed Heartbreak Hill? I didn’t even notice.”), I went for a short run in the park after work today. Just did the inner 4, but it felt nice to stretch the legs a bit.

On an unrelated note, I still have about 10 Vicodin pills left. Can’t wait for this weekend! Hahaha.

Posted on April 27th, 2006 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

I don’t know whether it’s the warmer weather coming around or what, but I’ve been in a good mood lately.

Posted on March 28th, 2006 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

Ran 6 miles today… pretty good result, seeing as I knew my legs were feeling tired within the first quarter mile. Running out doors, which I did today, makes a big difference. As the weather gets better, so too does the people watching!

Posted on March 26th, 2006 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

Evil

I have this jacket that I don’t wear very much. But I wore it today and I just found a 20 dollar bill in the left outside pocket. The bill was folded once along the long edge and then another time along the short edge. It was done very neatly and the bill was crisp to start with. How did this money get into my pocket? I need to get to the bottom of this.

Posted on March 18th, 2006 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ

In just the past two days, my net worth has gone up by $45 and I owe it all to craigslist. Yesterady, I sold 3 stupid Central Park framed photos for $20. Today, I sold an Apple Mouse that I don’t use anymore for $25. Wooo!

I actually have one more item posted on craigslist. It’s a barter: I’m trying to trade 3 under-bed storage boxes for a 6 pack of beer. Someone emailed me for details, but that punk never followed up on my response! Do any of you guys need 3 under-bed boxes? Cuz I sure as heck need some beer.

Posted on December 1st, 2004 Filed in: Uncategorized Tags: feeling like a champ