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Posted on May 10th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women

At the Kentak/Mamacita nuptials I did a pretty funny thing. I walked up to the Mamacita and commented on how hot her sister was. This is now a fun time running joke between us – the incredibly obtuse comment I made – the sort of comment you should never make to a bride on her wedding day. Good times…

Well, apparently, lots of people all over the world think this is similarly hilarious. I mean imagine this scenario -so you get married to a Prince and the thing is on TV and an inappropriate number of people watch the thing all over the world. For a specific sort of woman, this is a dream scenario I bet. I am fairly sure this dream scenario never include a minute by minute breakdown of how hot your little sister is and what great ass she has and how she “stole the show” and what cheeky thing was Harry (who I guess is a sleezy kid? who knew?) saying to her and blah blah…

Anyway, I figured it was OK to pile on. The Daily Mail unearthed this photo of Pippa at a dinner party. Apparently, she made a dress for herself out of toilet paper and was parading around a party in it. That sounds fun. Maybe I should throw a dinner party and see if someone loosens up and makes herself a very revealing dress out of toilet paper.

Posted on May 1st, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, royal wedding, toilet paper dress

I remember coming of age in the late 90s thinking that Asian women were under siege – constantly fending off attacks from hairy, cheesy white guys. It resembled the fall of Rome as much as anything.

MORE after the jump…

Posted on April 18th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Date or Die, girls, hot young asian girl

This weekend is Carnival on the Mile, a 3 day street fair that happens once a year. Anyway, after the festivities for tonight ended, I stopped at the local bar for one last drink.

I sat at the bar and not soon thereafter, 4 young buxomly ladies from the new Hooters restaurant sat next to me in an otherwise empty bar. I consider myself one of those “the sun is always shining on me” people but I was surprised as the next guy.

Don’t know if it was my new geeky watch (which is a total chick magnet) or the fact that they overheard me telling a friend the brother getting engaged story but soon the ice was broken and I was doing tequila shots with one of the girls.

To make a long story short, I ended up having sex with her in an alleyway as I walked her to the car no more than 30 minutes after our first exchange of words. At no point did we exchange names, phone numbers, Twitter handle or anything of that nature…

Why am I telling you this?

1) I  am telling everybody…I am sure it is more sex than what xTian or Evil have been getting…

2) Wasn’t Tiger Woods banging Hooters waitresses? I am only missing a couple of adult film stars and I am in same league as Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen give or take a couple of million dollars…

3) Not counting the incident at the Minneapolis airport in 2007, I haven’t had anonymous sex since 2005…

and the main reason I am telling you this is to seek your advice…

4) Should I be like Charlie Sheen and chalk this up as a win and leave it as is or should I be going to the local hooters and try to track her down even if all I have to go by is her tramp stamp???

Posted on March 6th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Douche, feeling like a champ, girls, Manolo

I saw this license plate in my office parking lot this morning. What do we think? Is it “For Mr. Dude” – a lame vanity plate that Mr. Dude’s parents put on his 16th birthday present? Or is it “Former Dude” – a post-sex-change-operation tranny who is proud not only of her new-found womanhood, but also of how she got there? I think it has to be the latter, right? I mean, anyone named “Mr. Dude” would quickly realize that his plate was often mistaken for “Former Dude” and would change it.

Seems pretty strange to me. What sort of post-op tranny goes around advertising it on her vanity plate? Wouldn’t she rather just have “SASY LDY” or “FNGRBNG” or something like that?

Posted on January 27th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Sparks=Wrong

Two Fridays ago, I went to a party that a former coworker organized. When she invited me, she made it quite clear that  “single woman would be there” so I figured i would need a wing man. Given that my friend was a small cute Asian, I asked Evil first, promising Asian chicks. He politely declined. So instead, my standard wing man,  L3,  joined in.  MORE after the jump…

Posted on December 22nd, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Date or Die

You gotta admit, she cleans up well...

It’s always funny when an Office Dance Party takes us in an unintended direction. I must admit I had no idea that women were so down on Gwyneth Paltrow.

This got me wondering – why are there certain female celebrities that women can get behind and others that they loathe?

MORE after the jump…

Posted on November 22nd, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, girls

Starting tomorrow, I am volunteering at the Library working with people on their conversational English. I am pretty pumped about it because I love volunteering. This also fits into my strategy to really join a community for once in my life and not exhibit so many behaviours consistent with being a serial killer. It’s been a a bit of a success so far-  people say hello to me at church…I run into people I know on my street. It’s a very new experience for me. I might like it. Which annoys me and may push me to move to Goa tomorrow, because I don’t really enjoy enjoying myself.

But I digress, something struck me while at the library – There seems to be a whole thing going on here. For one, the same group (Friends of Town X Library) are also putting on a fund raiser for this library – Novel Night. Novel Night is a pretty funny idea – basically some people open their homes and host novel themed dinners to complete strangers in exchange for a small donation that goes towards the town library. Pretty neat I guess, but also implies a level of community intimacy that I did not think actually existed. I mean there are crazy people screaming in the streets and hobos and 20 year old chubby chicks throwing up on street corners at 2am and a lot of things that make this NOT Stars Hallow – but clearly there is a mini Stars Hallow just fighting to break out.

I need to spend more time at the Cuban diner – maybe there is a preposterously hot, motor mouthed mother and her equally hot, mumble mouthed daughter walking around living mad cap adventures and fighting with their stuffy but rich family. Maybe I could be Luke(!)…though more likely I’ll jut be Kurt…

Posted on September 29th, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, gilmore girls, we like to watch

Can Christine O’Donnell get any hotter?

• She spent her teens practicing witchcraft
• She spent her twenties speaking very publicly about masturbation everywhere she went (so hot!)
• She did not pay any taxes in her thirties and has several liens on her presently so she is also a little desperate financially – always a good sign for an opportunistic gentleman

Dudes! For reals! Is there a chick anywhere in the world who is more down for whatevs?

On top of all that she looks like a cross between Julia Louis Dreyfus and Tina Fey- Two of of my “Diane Lane All-Stars”!

I hope she wins.

Posted on September 21st, 2010 Filed in: Politics/Economics Tags: clueless about women, crush of the week

How it's done

I can’t believe we haven’t covered this already.  I mean, how lame is it that a former Vice President of the United States, Nobel Laureate, and Kleiner Perkins partner can’t get a squeezer from an in-room hotel masseuse?  Must this guy be worse than Bill Clinton at everything?  If it were Bill, she would have “abandoned her professional duties” twice in the hotel room, and once again in a private plane Bill borrowed from a friend before stranding her in Omaha, leaving her to wonder how the hell she was supposed to get back to Portland.  Booo, Al Gore.  Booo.

Posted on August 3rd, 2010 Filed in: Politics/Economics Tags: clueless about women, politics, Sparks=Wrong

So I met a chick last Tuesday. She was surprisingly tall and surprisingly cool (for a Latina not named KillerB#2 anyway). We had a nice time, she was a good person. When she smiled she reminded me of someone I used know,  someone i wanted to kiss when I was young. MORE after the jump…

Posted on July 29th, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Date or Die

Evil referred to lesson #2 of my Womanese series as weak…I think the disconnect was that he didn’t know what post coitus meant…

Therefore, today’s lesson is just for Evil and will revolve around things Evil is actually more bound to hear…

Evil hears: You remind me of my brother! or I think of you as a brother!
She means: She would consider sex with you to be incest.

Evil hears: I am not looking for a relationship right now.
She means: She don’t want a relationship with YOU. Don’t even bother trying to go out with her since a relationship between you and her is not going to happen.

Evil hears: I like you, but…
She means: She doesn’t like you at all…

Evil hears: I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
She means: Please continue to remain my girly friend. You are an excellent emotional tampon.

Posted on July 13th, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Manolo, the more you know, womanese

For the past day or so, I have not had access to the Internet which meant I had tons of time to go through my digital archives. Here is  a little gem I found…interesting insight into my head at the time…

MORE after the jump…

Posted on July 1st, 2010 Filed in: Life Tags: clueless about women, Manolo, manolo sucks

Watch CBS News Videos Online

I don’t know what this woman did to deserve this rough treatment. So what if she posed for a photo spread in the NY Daily News.

I think we should help a sister out. Who ever knocked someone for wearing a pencil skirt! A pencil skirt!

Posted on June 7th, 2010 Filed in: Life, Politics/Economics Tags: clueless about women

Find out which of the Evil Twins loves Evil more and who else is in the mix for Evil’s heart.

Also, Evil and xTian break down their dating lives, why Mamacita is the Hose’s springtime MVP, the BP oil spill and Year 1 of the Obama’s Administration.

Say “QUEENSBRIDGE” because the Mighty Hosecast STARTS NOW!!!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Posted on June 4th, 2010 Filed in: Politics/Economics, Sports Tags: clueless about women, politics, the Hosecast