Here is some more stuff that has been happening here and there

• Flesh eating bacteria!!!!!!
• No one likes austerity (DO NOT name your babies austerity), but they do like throwing things
• Bank run!!!!!!!!!
• Mitt’s job while in high school was as a barber (Sweeny Mitt?)
• There is an IPO coming, finally
• Quick, someone make a new swamp person! (to maintain swamp people equilibrium)

Posted on May 17th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Below are 6 statistics. I made 5 of them up. One of them I didn’t. Which one?

• A review of multiple choice exams in California high schools found that the first answer in questions with 6 answers to choose from was correct 24% of the time
• 6 out of every 7 plastic forks sold or distributed in the United States are never used
• 91.2% of people living in Idaho would like to live in Hawaii, but only .03% if people living in Hawaii would like to live in Idaho
• There are 7,367 unique, patented forms of barbed wire (though many are no longer in use)
• 2.3% of Americans went snow skiing last year. 23.4% went fishing
• Florida farmers produce 7,120,000,000 pounds of oranges per year

Posted on April 30th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

I’ve got a problem. A BIG problem.

I’m not sure when it happened, or whether anything actually did happen, but lately I’ve noticed I’m incapable of answering a simple question. It’s a question that I get all the time, and I just don’t have an answer.

“So, what have you been up to?”

This, and the related “What’s been going on with you?” put me in a state of near paralysis. I get lost for words. I don’t know what to say. I stammer. I try to remember what I’ve been up to, but draw a blank. I look down at the floor, and then up at the ceiling,  and then I ultimately resort to dodging it – “Not much. What’s been up with you?”

What’s going on Hosers? Is it that I haven’t been up to anything? Do you think I’ve been up to anything? Do you know what’s going on with me? If so, please share it in the comments so I can be prepared the next time someone lobs this attack at me.

Thanks in advance!

Posted on April 25th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Last night I boarded a train at 14th street – 11 stops away from Casa KB/KB2. Nonetheless, as soon as I took one look at this guy, I knew he was getting off with me in Park Slope (but only because Willliamsburg isn’t on the F line).

What we have here is a dude with:

• Thick beard
• Corduroy fedora (“pork pie” hat in Sparks parlance)
• Spikeless tassled golf shoes
• Skinny jeans rolled up to expose a flourish of red sock
• Seemingly hand made / rough hewn messenger bag strung over a knee, so as not to touch the (yucky) ground
• And to top it all off he was crocheting a doily looking thing. Shamelessly.

Posted on April 23rd, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

This is what happened this week or so in case you weren’t able to be around for it

• Those guys should not have hired those hookers
• Skittles and iced tea
• She drank a beer and danced a little
• He was voted off in a shocking episode
• That boat is still sunk after 100 years
• Hunger Games still
• People started noticing hockey again
• He finally proposed to her
• Tornados everywhere!
• The NYE guy died

Posted on April 20th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

This trip keeps getting better and better!!! The prior was the best Atlanta had to offer, now I’m seeing Houston for all it’s worth. They might have a Picasso in the lobby, but the real eye candy is on the 3rd floor.

Posted on April 17th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Don’t be jealous, haters.

Posted on April 17th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

For a real dose of crazy and inspiring, I’ve turned to the comments sections of the Mega-Jackpot stories. A summary after the jump

MORE after the jump…

Posted on March 30th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

While reading the incredibly long, but equally enlightening piece in the Times magazine about how the debt deal fell apart last fall, I was surprised that in a couple of passages the reporter noted that while interviewing Boehner in his office, he would take long drags from his cigarette. HEY! You can’t smoke in the Capitol building!

Well – that is only partly true. We can’t smoke in Congress, but our Congressmen can – just not in the public parts of the building. And that is your useless fact of the day.

Posted on March 30th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Posted on March 30th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

(Or break even after taxes)

The Mega Kabillion Jackpot is now at $363,000,000. And the odds of winning are 1 in 176,000,000. Tickets are $1. This is a no brainer. (Sparks will unequivocally support this fact with an expected value comment in the comments).

If we pool together $176,000,000, we will get $363,000,000. It doesn’t take a mathamagician to figure that out. PayPal me sometime today and I’ll pick up the tickets.

See you on our private beach this time next week!

Posted on March 27th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

What the hell! The US has been eliminated from the Olympics before the Olympics even began? Good Gravy. How did this happen? Did we have to play a bunch of college kids (although a bunch of college kids beat the Russians at hockey)? Or does US Soccer give a flip about the Olympics, preferring not to put their stars in harm’s way? Or would the teams our stars play for not release them?  How did this happen, and what could Obama have done to prevent it?

The inclusion of soccer made the Olympics 3x more interesting, but the elimination of the Americans just made the Olympics 6x less interesting. Booooo.

Posted on March 27th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Of all the brutal, blood thirsty dictators in the world, you have the hottest blood thirsty wife! If she weren’t so busy repressing people and scorning international calls for diplomacy she could be in print ads for Capri cigarettes or something. Maybe some day!

Posted on March 26th, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

Among the drillions of things I’ve read about Tebow in the past 48 hours, one suggestion that caught my attention in the WSJ was that among the many things the Jets could ask Tebow to do, becoming a 2 point specialist might be one of them.

So, my question for Sparks is this. If the Jets were to use 2 point conversions as the de facto play call rather than PAT (of course ignoring late game scenarios where they are up by 3 etc.), what would Tebow’s conversion percentage need to be to make economic sense? Is it just 50%? Or, because most teams score in 3s and 7s, would it be some other higher or lower percentage?

Lets also ignore the fact that players are more likely to be injured on plays from scrimmage than choreographed PATs (unless you don’t want to ignore it).

Posted on March 22nd, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags:

I have a few confessions to make:

• I don’t know what Hunger Games is. By the amount of media it is consuming, I have to assume everyone else in American knows exactly what it is.
• Yes, upstairs neighbor, I do occasionally use your fabric softener sheets when I forget to bring one with me. I could walk back upstairs to get one of my own, but yours are RIGHT THERE.
• My decisions on which subway performers get a dollar are not performance based. They should be, but they aren’t.
• I don’t know what “qi” means, but that doesn’t stop me from using it in Words With Friends. So there.

Posted on March 21st, 2012 Filed in: Life Tags: