Many theories have been put forth about the origins of the Hose and its contributors. I am here to tell you they are all false.  Just to be clear:

• The Hose is not part of the vast Right Wing Conspiracy. It has no relationship with Freedom Works or The Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC). The Hose has never taken funding or money from the John Birch Society or the Conservative Caucus no matter what The Daily Show or Ed Schultz, whoever that is, says

• Evil is not a Kennedy – illegitimate or otherwise

• xTian never got into an argument with Erik Estrada in the Sherman Oaks Galleria about whether it was cool to call him “Ponch”. He never intervened as his date argued with Jon Bon Jovi about whether or not they had ever slept together.  This did not happen outside of Pastis in NY’s Meatpacking District

• The Editors of the Hose did not meet at an orgy organized by Rosie O’Donnell. No one associated with the Hose has ever seen Melissa Ethridge naked. No member of the Hose Editorial Staff ever suggested that David Crosby would be good genetic material to make a baby

• The Hose Editorial Board does NOT host a late morning interview program on ABC that is produced by broadcast journalism legend Barbara Walters

• Catjjy was not a cast member of either the Real World Chicago or the Real World Back in New York

• The Turdhurdler was never a roadie for Metallica, Blink 182 or The Deftones

• Contrary to reports from the Wall St. Journal, Fox News and the NY Post, the Hose is not a front for MoveOn.Org, receives no funding the AFL-CIO and none of their writers have ever seen President Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate

• The Mamacita was not the inspiration for any song on Weezer’s 1996 album, Pinkerton. She has never met Rivers Cuomo much less been involved in a 3 year relationship with him

• Any rumor that implies that t-mo is the son of a Greek shipping magnet or was the starting center on the 1987 Syracuse Orangemen is a total fabrication

• The Hose writers were never hired by Clear Channel to replace the Howard Stern Show on the East Coast when he left for Sirius. None of us were even interviewed. Given what happened with David Lee Roth in that slot, I think we can all agree this was a mistake

• No member of the Hose writing staff ever wrote an episode of the WB Series “Gilmore Girls“

• Killer B#1 is not Jose Canseco. They have bought steroids from the same person, but only once and in 1999

• The Hose is NOT what the writers of the Onion work on when they are too coked up to sleep. The Hose is also not what the writers of CollegeHumor work on when they are too cranked out to sleep

• Sparks did not play Erik Estrada’s partner on the TV Series “Chips“, having said that we can neither confirm nor deny the involvement of his biological father

• Manolo was never on the series Life Goes On; he also never wrestled professionally in Japan. His mask is purely for recreational use

• Though we employ neither cyborgs nor robots, we are not bigots. We love our loyal robotic readership

The Hose is nothing more than what we say we are. Think of this as “id Gone Wild” , much like GGW there lots of boobs flashing every which way for minimal financial return. it’s just not the sort of boobs you normally pay to see. These boobs talk or rather write…A LOT.

It is just that simple. No further back story required. Check back daily, we have opinions on everything and know no shame. Join us as we fail to push our agendas both online and in real life.