I have no idea what to hang on my walls. People who have been to my apartment (none of you I guess…Yes, you’re right Killer B – my apartment is completely made up) often comment about how nothing hangs on my walls as if I were a serial killer or someone who just started living on a low budget movie set.

The furniture in my apt is not totally childish. Some Crate and Barrel stuff, some pottery barn, a knock off vintage Knoll chair, an olive table with some orange-red (new not vintage) Ray Eames molded side chairs…you know fairly adult stuff…there is even some heavy looking wood stuff randomly around. Almost, properly adult but nothing on my walls. After enough comments about it, I randomly framed several 3×5 photos just for kicks. A few of you are in them. I would not feel terribly special if I were you. Its really more just a function of what photos I have lying around. I wish my mother ever stood still long enough to have a photo taken of her. I might actually make it a point to put that up. I go to the homes of others and I get insanely jealous that they have things they feel compelled to frame and hang. whereas I have nothing. Its sad.

Some of this is self inflicted. There are several things I refuse to hang

• My diplomas. I went to some fairly respectable universities and their diplomas are nice enough to look at. I even went as far as to frame them. But I refuse to hang them up. I find it a little ostentatious. Maybe if I had a big work office and I felt I needed them to be taken seriously I would hang them there. As it is my work office (which I am giving up next month because I don’t even use it and I’m switching roles where I will use it even less) looks like it is completely unoccupied. In fact, I stopped by it once recently and found a squater. Ummm I digress…the point is hanging a diploma anywhere strikes me as a little douchy
• I find black and white photos totally ostentatious. I’m not an asshole, why would I do something so assholish and hang black and white photos up.
• At some point in the late 90s, Sparks had me fairly well convinced that it would be cool to hang up framed prints of vintage french liqour ads from the 20s. I would probably do this because I think they are still sort of cool but this may have been a card that should have been played long ago and is therefore just stale.

So, here are some things I am thinking of hanging on my wall -

• The guys over at Freedarko.com recently published a book called “FreeDarko Presents: The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History” . One of the neater elements of the books is that they included several images that they have for sale as limited edition prints.  My favorite is the Shaq as a sad clown image (above). I think its really powerful and for some reason is something I relate to. It introduced a chapter where they discussed the showmanship of modern basketball players and they used Shaq as a case study on the lengths players go to in order to relate to their fans. In theory, I have a greater affinity for the ABA one, but the color scheme on the Shaq poster fits better with my stuff…also I see myself as a sad clown. I recognize I would need to frame this.
• The other idea I had was a really kick ass vintage magician poster from the 20s. Much like this one, a promotional poster for Kellar The Great – I mean these things are pretty awesome right? and they take up the same aesthetic space as the vintage french liquor posters without being terribly derivative. Also, I really loved that book Carter Beats the Devil so there is that…
• The other idea would be some prints of lost fan art…you know like the stuff I used to use with the recaps…something like this…

Let’s say I followed through with this. What would it say about me as a person? Would it all be a little too Josh Baskin? Should I be moving in a different direction here? Any other ideas?

Posted on February 13th, 2011 Filed in: Life Tags: Ask the Hose